Did Jesus use a modem?

Authour Unknown

Did Jesus use a modem,
At the Sermon on The Mount?
Did He ever try to broadcast fax,
To send his message out?
Did the disciples carry beepers,
As they went about their route?
Did Jesus use a modem,
At the Sermon on the Mount?
 
Did Paul use a laptop,
With lots of RAM and ROM?
Were his letters posted on BBS,
At Paul@Rome.Com?
Did the man from Macedonia,
Send an E-mail saying “Come?”
Did Paul use a laptop,
With lots of RAM and ROM?
  
Did Moses use a joystick,
At the parting of the sea?
And a Satellite Guidance Tracking System,
To show him where to be?
Did he write the law on tablets,
Or are they really on CD?
Did Moses use a joystick,
At the parting of the Sea?
  
Did Jesus really die for us,
One day upon a tree?
Or was it a hologram,
Or Technical Wizardry?
Can you download the Live Action Video Clip,
To play on your PC?
Did Jesus really die for us,
One day upon a tree?
  
Have the wonders of this modern age,
Made you question what is true?
How a single man, in a simple time,
Could offer life anew?  How a sinless life,
a cruel death, Then glorious life again,
Could offer more to a desperate world,
Than all the inventions of man?
  
If in your life, the voice of God,
Is sometimes hard to hear.
With other voices calling,
He doesn’t touch your ear.
Then set aside your laptop and modem And all your fancy gear.
And open up your Bible,
open your heart,
And let your Father draw near.
“Be still and know that I am God.”

The Perfect Church

I’ve just opened an envelope given to me today and found this poem about the perfect church – Author unknown 

If you could find the perfect church
Without one fault or smear
For goodness sake, don’t join that church
You’d spoil the atmosphere.

But since no perfect church exists
Where people never sin
Let’s cease looking for that church
And love the one we’re in!

Yes, I’ll marry you

It’s that time of year again…wedding season.  One of the couples I’m marrying showed me this poem by Pam Ayres which they wish to have read in their wedding service:

Yes, I’ll marry you, my dear,
And here’s the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it’s creepy and it’s late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.

Yes I’ll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It’s you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It’s you that has to whack him.

Yes, I’ll marry you,
You’re virile and you’re lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!

It’s you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I’ve got PMT it’s you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!

If you’re reading this

This is a song written by Tim McGraw for the Armed Forces…

If you’re reading this
My momma is sitting there
Looks like I only got a one way ticket over here
I sure wish I could give you one more kiss
War was just a game we played when we were kids
Well I’m laying down my gun
I’m hanging up my boots
I’m up here with God
And we’re both watching over you

So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul
Is where my momma always prayed that it would go.
If you’re reading this I’m already home.

If you’re reading this
Half way around the world
I won’t be there to see the birth of our little girl
I hope she looks like you
I hope she fights like me
And stands up for the innocent and the weak
I’m laying down my gun
Hanging up my boots
Tell dad I don’t regret that I followed in his shoes

So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go
If you’re reading this, I’m already home

If you’re reading this, there is going to come a day
You move on and find someone else and that’s okay
Just remember this
I’m in a better place
Where soldiers live in peace and angels sing amazing grace

So lay me down
In that open field out on the edge of town
And know my soul is where my momma always prayed that it would go
If you’re reading this
If you’re reading this
I’m already home

The Trinity Explained

I remember watching Nun’s on the Run when I was growing up and laughing until I cried.  This is a clip from Nun’s on the Run (Robbie Coltrane and Eric Idle) where their character’s are in hiding in a convent  pretending to be  nun’s…one of them trying to explain the Trinity to their friend so that they can take a religious studies class on the Trinity…

There’s Jesus on my trampoline

I was emailed this poem which was written by Elvis when he was 7 years old.  I thought it was wonderful and worth sharing. Enjoy!
 
There’s Jesus on my trampoline
He is the best I’ve ever seen
And now he’s going down my slide
He will seek and I will hide
He’s with me as I eat my tea
Then back outside to climb a tree
I’ll pull him in my go-cart then
do my homework, watch Ben 10,
Not sure he likes too much TV
But he will always sit with me
Jesus is with me every day
At school at home at work at play