What Priests want you to know

What Priests want you to know

I came across this new blog with an interesting title – Dirty Sexy Ministry – written by two priests and found it very interesting and humourous – it’s worth a look….

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Posted in Humour, Jesus

WWJT?

At the New Christian Media Conference ….we were shown this clip in the Twitter seminar which is worth watching….

We were also shown this picture:

After the seminar we were asked the question: What Would Jesus Tweet? WWJT?   I wonder….

Posted in death, Funeral Poem, grief

Is heaven in the yellow pages?

Mummy went to Heaven, but I need her here today,
My tummy hurts and I fell down, I need her right away.
Operator can you tell me how to find her in this book?
Is Heaven in the yellow part, I don’t know where to look.
I think my daddy needs her too, at night I hear him cry.
I hear him call her name sometimes, but I really don’t know why.
Maybe if I call her, she will hurry home to me.
Is Heaven very far away, is it across the sea?
She’s been gone a long, long time. She really needs to come home now!
I really need to reach her but I simply don’t know how.
Help me find the number please, Is it listed under Heaven?
I can’t read these big words, I am only seven.
I’m sorry operator, I didn’t mean to make you cry.
Is your tummy hurting too, or is there something in your eye?
If I call my church maybe they will know.
Mummy said when we need help that’s where we should go.
I found the number to my church tacked up on the wall.
Thank you operator, I’ll give them a call.
 
 by Donna Groleau.
Posted in death, Funeral Poem, grief

The day God took you home

I’ve been given this to read at a funeral….

You never said I’m leaving
You never said good-bye
You were gone before I knew it
And only God knew why

A million times we’ve needed you,
A million times we’ve cried.
If love alone could’ve saved you,
You never would have died.

In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place,
No one else will ever fill.

It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you didn’t go alone.
Part of us went with you,
The day God took you home.

Anon

 

Posted in Humour

Will we have a test on it?

Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain,
and gathering them around him he taught them saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are they that mourn.
Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are they who thirst for justice.
Blessed are all the concerned.
Blessed are you when persecuted.
Blessed are you when you suffer.
Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven
try to remember what I am telling you
 
Then Simon Peter said,
     Will this count?
and Andrew said,
     Will we have a test on it?
and James said,
    When do we have to know it for?
and Phillip said,
     How many words?
and Bartholomew said,
     Will I have to stand up in front of the others?
and John said,
     The other disciples didn’t have to learn this.
and Matthew said,
     How many marks do we get for it?
And Judas said,
     What is it worth?
and the other disciples likewise.
 
Then one of the Pharisees who was present
asked to see Jesus’ lesson plan
and inquired of Jesus
his terminal objectives in the cognitive domain
 
and Jesus wept.
 
Don Linehan
Posted in death, Funeral Poem

God looked around his garden

God looked around his garden
And He found an empty place.
And then He looked down upon the earth,
And saw your tired face.
He put His arms around you,
And lifted you to rest.
God’s garden must be beautiful,
He always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering,
He knew you were in pain,
He knew that you would never
Get well on earth again.
He saw the road was getting rough,
And the hills were hard to climb,
So He closed your weary eyelids,
And whispered “Peace be thine.”

Anon

Posted in death, Funeral Poem

A Funeral Poem

Not, how did he die, but how did he live?

Not, how did he die, but how did he live?
Not, what did he gain, but what did he give?
These are the units to measure the worth
Of a man as a man, regardless of his birth.
Nor what was his church, nor what was his creed?
But had he befriended those really in need?
Was he ever ready, with words of good cheer,
To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?
Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,
But how many were sorry when he passed away?
 
Anonymous
Posted in Humour, Poem

Change

I’ve been thinking about the word ‘change’ and the effect it has on people….especially in the church. 

I recently heard the song – Mrs Beamish by Richard Stilgoe & Peter Skellern….which has a funny take on change

When I returned from holiday I found this poem about change….about welcoming change, which whilst not as funny as Mrs Beamish is a more positive view of change.

 

WELCOME CHANGE   by Gina Whitacre

Change is inevitable,
But yet we fight it, just the same.
Change is essential to our evolution.
Change is going to happen,
In fact, it happens every day,
Maybe it is too small to see, or perhaps we would rather not see it.
We fight change, because we fight the unknown,
We fight the unknown, because we are scared,
Scared of change, scared of the unknown.
If we were to allow change to happen freely,
We might find solutions to the problems that exist around us,
But instead, we are hung – up on controlling everything around us.
Maybe this is the problem with the world today.
Everyone assumes control of everything and does not allow nature to run her course.
Maybe this is why, we have devastating fall out from Nature,
Natural catastrophic disasters, such as fire and flooding.
We fight change, therefore we are fighting nature and her natural being and her existence in the world that she has created by God’s hand and has graciously allowed us to be a part of .
We should welcome change and allow nature to control our destiny.
Change is uncontrollable,
Change is inevitable,
Change is the unknown.
Nature takes pride in being one of life’s illusive wonders, the unknown. 
 
Posted in Humour

A Mother’s Prayers

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my mind.
  
I pray I find a little quiet
Far from the daily family riot
May I lie back–not have to think
about what they’re stuffing down the sink,
or who they’re with, or where they’re at
and what they’re doing to the cat.
   
I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish–dead!)
 
Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean…
(Well heck, I’ve got the right to dream)
   
Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know…
I must have lost them long ago!
   
Anon
Posted in Humour

Mother’s letter to her child

Dear Child,
 
The Bathroom Door is Closed!
  
Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions.
 
Wait until I get out.
 
Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, and I am not trapped.
 
I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in there, but it’s been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.
  
Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.
  
Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.
  
Do not go running back to the phone yelling “She’s on the toilet!”
    
Don not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them.   This was funny when you were two.
    
Do not slide pennies, LEGOs, or notes under the door. Even when you were two this got a little tiresome.

If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.
  
And yes, I still love you,

Mum

I found this when I was clearing out my Mothering Sunday file…I don’t know who wrote it – but I’m told every mother can relate to it…