I rely on you

I rely on you
like a Skoda needs suspension
like the aged need a pension
like a trampoline needs tension
like a bungee jump needs apprehension
I rely on you
like a camera needs a shutter
like a gambler needs a flutter
like a golfer needs a putter
like a buttered scone involves some butter
I rely on you
like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve
like a hairpin needs a drastic curve
like an HGV needs endless derv
like an outside left needs a body swerve
I rely on you
like a handyman needs pliers
like an auctioneer needs buyers
like a laundromat needs driers
like The Good Life needed Richard Briers
I rely on you
like a water vole needs water
like a brick outhouse needs mortar
like a lemming to the slaughter
Ryan’s just Ryan without his daughter
I rely on you

By Hovis Presley

Carol

Come to our Nativity play

Raggy doll asleep on the hay

Itchy knickers, bogey-pickers,

I’ve got a bit to say.

O, I’m the star as you can tell

I’m the Angel Gabriel.

Silver wings and halo thing and

Glittery tights as well.

They two kings of orient are

Kevin jones and Dominic Barr.

Barry Bright has tonsilitis-

Sick in his father’s car.

See the shepherds watching their sheep.

Amber Cardy’s gone off to sleep.

She was snogging Nathaniel Hogg in a

Cupboard and he’s a creep!

Mary, Mary, good as can be

Thinks she’s always better than me

Till my candle burns her sandal

Quite accidentally.

Adam’s Herod, up on a chair

In his robe and underwear.

It’s so rude, he’s nearly NUDE

And I saw his pants, so there.

Mums and Grandmas sit in a row,

Toddlers want to be in the show,

Dads who are able to stand on a table to

Get it on video.

(to be sung to ‘We Three Kings’)

by John Whitworth

WWJT?

At the New Christian Media Conference ….we were shown this clip in the Twitter seminar which is worth watching….

We were also shown this picture:

After the seminar we were asked the question: What Would Jesus Tweet? WWJT?   I wonder….

Will we have a test on it?

Then Jesus took his disciples up the mountain,
and gathering them around him he taught them saying:

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are the meek.
Blessed are they that mourn.
Blessed are the merciful.
Blessed are they who thirst for justice.
Blessed are all the concerned.
Blessed are you when persecuted.
Blessed are you when you suffer.
Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven
try to remember what I am telling you

 

Then Simon Peter said,

     Will this count?

and Andrew said,

     Will we have a test on it?

and James said,

    When do we have to know it for?

and Phillip said,

     How many words?

and Bartholomew said,

     Will I have to stand up in front of the others?

and John said,

     The other disciples didn’t have to learn this.

and Matthew said,

     How many marks do we get for it?

And Judas said,

     What is it worth?

and the other disciples likewise.

 

Then one of the Pharisees who was present
asked to see Jesus’ lesson plan
and inquired of Jesus
his terminal objectives in the cognitive domain

 

and Jesus wept.

 
Don Linehan

Change

I’ve been thinking about the word ‘change’ and the effect it has on people….especially in the church. 

I recently heard the song – Mrs Beamish by Richard Stilgoe & Peter Skellern….which has a funny take on change

When I returned from holiday I found this poem about change….about welcoming change, which whilst not as funny as Mrs Beamish is a more positive view of change.

 

WELCOME CHANGE   by Gina Whitacre

Change is inevitable,

But yet we fight it, just the same.

Change is essential to our evolution.

Change is going to happen,

In fact, it happens every day,

Maybe it is too small to see, or perhaps we would rather not see it.

We fight change, because we fight the unknown,

We fight the unknown, because we are scared,

Scared of change, scared of the unknown.

If we were to allow change to happen freely,

We might find solutions to the problems that exist around us,

But instead, we are hung – up on controlling everything around us.

Maybe this is the problem with the world today.

Everyone assumes control of everything and does not allow nature to run her course.

Maybe this is why, we have devastating fall out from Nature,

Natural catastrophic disasters, such as fire and flooding.

We fight change, therefore we are fighting nature and her natural being and her existence in the world that she has created by God’s hand and has graciously allowed us to be a part of .

We should welcome change and allow nature to control our destiny.

Change is uncontrollable,

Change is inevitable,

Change is the unknown.

Nature takes pride in being one of life’s illusive wonders, the unknown. 

 

A Mother’s Prayers

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find,
I’m pretty sure I’ll lose my mind.

  
I pray I find a little quiet
Far from the daily family riot
May I lie back–not have to think
about what they’re stuffing down the sink,
or who they’re with, or where they’re at
and what they’re doing to the cat.
   

I pray for time all to myself
(did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed
(Oh no, another goldfish–dead!)
 

Some silent moments for goodness sake
(Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean…
(Well heck, I’ve got the right to dream)
   

Yes now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know…
I must have lost them long ago!

   

Anon

Mother’s letter to her child

Dear Child,

 

The Bathroom Door is Closed!
  

Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions.
 

Wait until I get out.
 
Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, and I am not trapped.
 
I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times, since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible tragedy might occur while I was in there, but it’s been 10 years and I want some PRIVACY.
  
Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I am done.
  
Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.
  
Do not go running back to the phone yelling “She’s on the toilet!”
    

Don not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle them.   This was funny when you were two.
    
Do not slide pennies, LEGOs, or notes under the door. Even when you were two this got a little tiresome.

If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still talking as you face this closed door, please turn around, walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad to listen to you when I am done.
  
And yes, I still love you,

Mum

I found this when I was clearing out my Mothering Sunday file…I don’t know who wrote it – but I’m told every mother can relate to it…

Annual church meeting survival guide

My thanks goes out to the Church Mouse for the annual church meeting survival guide….this has made the meetings more light hearted and fun!

They are well worth a read especially when you have more than one!

Comic Relief in Schools

Today I went into my local school for assembly and followed 3 classes making this Comic Relief song their own in front of the rest of the school….they were fantastic and they all knew the song!  On Friday 18th March the whole school are going to come in with wacky hairdo’s to raise money for on Red Nose Day …watch out Long Bennington!

Food Court Surprise

This is a must see youtube experience – shoppers were surprised when a flash mob started singing in the Food Court – The Hallelujah Chorus.